Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
