She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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