She said her name was "party"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
