Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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