I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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