Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
