He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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