I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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