I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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