when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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