She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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