Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
