how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
