i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
