just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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