Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
