she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize