No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
