We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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