what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This is my gift to your gina
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
