You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
