a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
