M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
People in love make me want to vomit
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
