after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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