lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Everclear isn't food dammit
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
