I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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