I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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