Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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