I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
