Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
