i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
