Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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