I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
