I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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