this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
