he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
