and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
