Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
