yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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