I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
