a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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