So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
