new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
