Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
