Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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