You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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