I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
