I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize