her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
