i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
