Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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