Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
