How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
