Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just want to make out with him forever
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
