Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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