I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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