I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
