you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
