I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
