Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
