this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
