Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
