i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
