You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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