The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
