I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
