This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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