It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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