Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I want her autograph on my taint
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
