There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
