whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
