if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
