I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
