perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
