She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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