You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
