we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
