I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
